Saturday, January 7, 2017

miniscule moments

I’m filled with words I’m not able to put in words, abscure thoughts flash between shadow pictures, everything’s blurring to unrecogizability, nothing got sharp edges, no cornes in sight, I’m full of impalpable fogs and every time I hopefully screw up my eyes to be finally able to see, everything disappears and all I realize is void. Word-filled void I can’t commit to paper, don’t know where to start, don’t know where to go, don’t know where to stop.

I think I should go dancing. Dancing until my feet hurt, my head is empty and I’m not thinking of anything, except of this one moment when all the lights are flashing in yelling colours without control like the people around me. A night living for the moment, no shadow pictures, and the next second seems to be far away, impapable and still it comes and I’m dancing on towards with open arms and a laugh on my lips.

Lovestrucked with life, with this one night, with the beat, with the memory coming up listening to this song of the 90s everybody can sing and nobody would admit, long ago, long enough for not being scarred. A picture of summer in my head, of a day at the public swimming pool, nothing of matter, nothing world-shattering, no drastic experience, just life. It insists of little mattering moments in which the world stays where she belongs to. A picture of winter in my head, when snow wasn’t cold and it’s crystals were glittering in the sun. A picture of spring, dandelion soup and a neighbour’s dog. Maybe it was autumn.

I think I have to dance to remember these miniscule moments when broken hearts didn’t exist and void was a vacuum without word, when the world was easy to conquer, when every moment was one you just lived without thinking of the next, when there weren't any shadow pictures even with the sun in the face, the eyes closed and the noise not heard, because it was fringe rushing or you were in the middle of it.

And I’m dancing until the DJ only plays junk, because he want’s to go home. But I love all these songs, and I’m jumping up and down, up and down, as the lights are already on, without yelling light flashes. It’s a night insisting of moments, miniscule, instants full of daydreams, real ones. The reality blanked out, dancing towards the true life, happy.

Maybe I’m remembering, but rather I’m enjoying the moment, this miniscule recurring moment dancing in the crowd, hands up in the air. The world is still easy to conquer. Every moment is one I just live, the next will come for sure. This one moment, nothing and everything. Brave enough to conquer the world, brave enough to live considerable miniscule moments. The time for shadow pictures and word-filled void commited to paper will come without waiting for it, without racked brains, willy-nilly. Before then dancing and listening to daydreams.

And when the lights start flashing like a photo booth
And the stars exploding
We'll be fireproof
troye sivan | youth

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