Saturday, December 3, 2016

When I need you the most.

Probably the nights are the most difficult. These nights when I’m staring into space and don’t know who I could call, because nobody would come just to be there. These nights full of darkness and silence, when I’m scrolling through my phone, permanently looking for distraction, these nights leaving me empty.

It is these nights without you.

And it is the nights, when I was crying in your arms, because I was so alone, because I had the feeling that I’m not able to breathe, because I felt small and I was so happy you let me grow. Nights you were there and I was able to forget, this world and everything hurting me in it.

And there were nights, many nights before, you were there and at the same time you were so far away, like you are on a planet which isn’t discovered yet, maybe not even in our solar system. There were nights, you were so close to me, I nearly suffocated, mutely, my eyes staring in the darkness. And you didn’t recognize my frantic heart. You didn’t listen when I held my breath to eavesdrop if you fall asleep.

I counted on you, and so often I was awake and stared at the ceiling, asking myself where you are, why were you so far away so many times, although you were lying right beside me? Why didn’t you recognize when I fell? Why couldn’t you see how much I need your loving arms rescuing me? When did you stop turning around when I need your help?

I counted on you and I fell, fell, fell, and you weren’t there to catch me.
But you were there and caught me when I thought I’d hit the ground and burst into thousand pieces.

You were there and watched chick flicks with me without talking about everything.
You were there and hugged me, just hugged.
You were there and slept beside me, so I’m not alone every night.
You were there and asked how it’s possible being unhappy with me.
You were there and hefted doutzens of boxes without complaining about the heat.
You were there and made stupid dancing moves because it couldn’t be embarrassing for us.
You were there and still liked me even when I changed.
You were there and showed me, that every relationship is messed up in its own way.
You were there and gave me a roof over my top.

You were there and caught me.

It is the nights when it’s dark and I’m looking out of the window and see all the lights, the lives behind these luminous glass panes. Danced away nights, nights when I’m happy, just happy because it’s night and because all of you are part of my life. Because they’ve becoming easier, and I love them again, like I’ve always been loving them, because they’re so dark and lonely, so silent.

I think I'm losing my mind now
It's in my head, darling I hope
That you'll be here, when I need you the most
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down

the chainsmokers | don’t let me down

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